It always seems so difficult in the moment to make a big decision. How do you know what is right and what the consequences may be?
Lately I’ve been trying hard to please others, to the detriment of myself. Something has to give. I have to make a choice. I have to do what is right for me.
I know these things, and yet… Who will I disappoint? How will these actions make me look to others? I know what I want, but what everyone around me says indicates that what I want isn’t what I should want.
It’s all enough to make me want to scream and lash out. Essentially I want to revert back to toddler behavior, throw a tantrum and let my mommy and daddy clean up the pieces.
Unfortunately, I’m at an age where I know I can’t do this and I must be an adult about life. I know it’s not fair. I don’t expect all butterflies and daisies.
What I do expect is that I get to live a life where I enjoy myself sometimes. Where I have the time to express myself in my art and writing. A life where I am true to myself.
Sometimes I get lost and find myself in situations that I can’t find an easy way out of, where I’m not getting to be me anymore. I know I’m lost. I know I need to get back on the right path. It’s just hard to know which choice is the right one to get there.
Today I chose. I don’t know if it is right. I do know it will upset some people. I’m trying to get past putting everyone else before myself. People pleasing is guaranteed to make you unhappy. I know this from experience.
I am proud of myself for making a decision and for handling it like an adult. I am looking forward to the opportunities that will open up and hoping that I didn’t burn any bridges that I may need to cross someday.
I know everyone faces tough choices every day, and like me, a lot of people find it easy to avoid the choice. Not making a decision is making a decision, though. You are choosing to put it off and making it into a stressor.
Just choose a path and follow it for awhile. If you decide it’s not the right one, take a new one.
“Two roads diverged in a wood, and I,
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.”
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